I wonder if a prerequisite for finding a soulmate is letting go of the last one. My hunch is yes. I haven't seen my most recent “true love” for two months now, but he's still lurking around my inner life, causing all sorts of distractions. I keep hoping he goes away, and he does, a bit here, a little piece there. But not enough to leave me in peace.
My son is studying absolute age in science class. Radioactive decay, half-lives, that sort of thing. For homework last night, he had to calculate how long it would take for 40 grams of C-14, which has a half-life of 5730 years, to convert into 36 grams of C-14 and 4 grams of C-12. Could it be that a failed love story decays in a similar way? If so, what is the half-life of love.
Oh to be like Tosca, who has her Mario. “Our love fills the world with hope and light…” they sing, or something like that. Granted, within minutes of belting it out, he was shot dead by a firing squad, and Tosca flung herself off the castle wall, falling to a certain death. But at least they experienced the feeling that could lead to those kind of words. The best I could get out of my ex was “I enjoy your company.” No, wrong. Once, in an emotional moment, he said "I more than enjoy you're company."
How could I put up with it? Simple. I am a master of that deadly skill - filling in the blanks. I told myself that he absolutely, positively felt much more, he just couldn't say it due to some strange character flaw that prevented passionate words from reaching his lips..
I know. Go figure.
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