The Question

I wonder if in every venture, there's a moment when you're tempted to call it quits.

You might not tell anyone, or even utter a word to yourself. But still, it's there, that infamous seed of doubt, ever present but papered over by innocence and hope.

Or is it the other way around? It may seem like flurry and worry dominate, but in truth they are marshaled about by a kernel of faith so boundless, so inextinguishable, that there's only one way to move - forward.

In other words, the half-full, half-empty question, which lately seems to be popping up a lot.

I mean, usually I'm a good sport, game for most anything. Yet in the last month or so, I seem to be turning down as many invitations as I accept.

Don't get me wrong, I still follow through on my two-date minimum rule, but not once since I began this search, have I been even close to wanting to up the number to three.

Am I giving up? admitting defeat before anything's really started? Or is it a good sign I'm choosing my own company and dinner leftovers from the fridge, over going out to some nuevo-fusion resto, making halfhearted chatter?

Last night, my friend Eustacia, who has trailed my romantic capers literally around the world (after a particularly bad break-up in the middle of the South Pacific, she was the first person I called - collect), emailed me a copy of an interview with a famous actress. It covered the range of topics, but the quote Eustache highlighted was this: "A woman needs to love herself more than she loves a relationship.

Then this morning in my inbox was a message from my friend Molly in Toronto. "I'm preparing for a huge yard sale," she wrote, "going through the entire house. It's all back-breaking work, but good...Cleaning out from the basement up, so to speak, getting rid of the old....welcoming in the clear, open, cleansed space.

"Same with you...get rid of whatever clutter you have...including doubt, that is the worst one. Make a goal and surge forth...onward!! Don’t count on any man to fix your life...it never works that way. If he comes...he comes...If he doesn’t, he is not supposed to - at least for now...I always think, later. And why not!"

Two friends. Two messages. Same advice. I think I have my answer.